better in my own mind

she told me

that she thought of me

from “time to time”

and why not?

people always think of people

they know

even if it’s just

a quick thought

going through the head

a quick image

a thought about

completely nothing

of course

in my case

when I hear that

my thoughts go

straight in to the gutter

and my mind wanders

she must have known that

because she immediately

clarified that

“it was nothing sexual”

i knew that it was nothing

more than a thought

but for a brief moment

i wanted to think otherwise

and bask in it

as it gets boring and monotonous

sometimes outside my head

so i typically retreat back inside

where i can get lost

and things seem better

random emails

i keep receiving emails

from different women

stating that they found me

on a dating website

not sure how

but I try to engage

for the hell of it

i respond to each and every inquiry

the same way

“great, now send me a pic”

each response is the same

directing me to some other site

where you need to create an account to

access their pics

they just don’t send pics to

any man

they want to make sure your for real

hence, the directive to “secure” site

even when I tell them to

go fuck themselves, go shit in their fists

i get the same response

they must really appreciate

my use of the English language

because the emails don’t stop

bull shit and reality

one was a “flight nurse”
saving lives 4 days a week
on 12 hour shifts

the other was a
“buyer for Coke”
or an “ex stripper”
or just still trying
to figure out who she
wants to be when
sitting at a bar

but both were really
single mothers
divorcees
dealing in the
sales and rentals
of portable toilets (of any kind)
dumpsters
temporary fencing
anything to get rid of your waste
or to keep the waste out

they were both
vivacious
good to look at
educated
and curious

they emitted sex appeal
that any man or woman
would appreciate

the younger one
the one confused about
who she wants to be
likes “older men”
the older one
the flight nurse
likes “younger men”

i didn’t fit either mold

i just so happen to be sitting
next to them
drowning my anger in
meat and beer

they were a good distraction
for a brief moment

the flight nurse asked
if i would write about them
i told her eventually i would

eventually came sooner
than later
as did reality

i paid my tab
and went on my way
wondering later on
if the
“ I don’t like sweater vest” status
was about me

random

Acts of kindness have gone
Shit out the window
In this day of age
People looking out for themselves
And I don’t blame them
I’m constantly looking out for me
Whats the good if your not getting back
At least I can acknowledge that
I try to give back now and then
I think about it
Sometimes I even hold a door for someone
Offer someone some of my food
Listen to someone complain
Give someone a ride
Toss them a coin for treating me well (doesn’t happen often)
Except for the staff at dunkin donuts
They feel entitled to keeping my change
So I request my change with extra napkins
In case I spill coffee and donut on myself
I need to look out for me
Nobody else is gonna clean up after
My messes in life

true love

is there "one true love"?

sure, along with dwarves, 
wicked queens,
wizards and fairies
your "one true love" 
could go away 
and there will be a  replacement

with over 7 billion people
walking the earth 
you will be sure 
to find someone else


but sometimes we just can't

bring on the good times

with time

comes insignificant shit

no more caring

about what you wear

what kind of car you drive

what size tv you own

if your liked on a social networking site

if people think you’re an asshole

how people look at you

how you look at people

all that doesn’t matter

and should never matter

but we get caught up

in it anyhow

only things to look forward to

are watching your children grow

time alone

a good drink

a good lay now and then

and a

peaceful and easy death

so bring on the good times

a slice of happiness

reality bites you 
in the ass 


when you return


and spreads 
it's venom

through
 your entire body 


taking away any 
experience 


that provided you 


with a slice of happiness


and freedom 



but while your there


drinking


ogling


laughing


meeting new people


recovering


and loosening up 
the bones



people 
from all walks of life 


from 


renegades


vigilantes 


posers


attorneys


doctors


garbage men


mail men


drunks


whores


and addicts 



will be there together


respecting 
the same thing


life on two wheels


and the open road



and when you listen 
to tales

from the 
old timer


who has traveled


all over the world


he tells you this



"the only two things 
in life

i have not done

was 
stick needles in my arms 


and do homosexuality" 


which means he has done


a lot of other shit





and

when your told


to keep pocket knives tucked


and colors hidden 


you know 
there is business somewhere 


but not as long

as your not 
fucking

with another persons 
bike or old lady



for the time being


you just get drunk


enjoy the company


and piss and shit


in the cleanest 
porta potters


ever 



and


when it's time 


to bring your dead soul back 


you forget a little



but remind yourself


there will be next year